5 across

5 across :: 4′ x 4′ (mixed media on canvas) // in the studio

a few close ups of the finished piece /

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no. 2

just finished this painting. for the past five months, i’ve pretty well kept to myself. i hit a wall in september, and i’ve needed the time alone to focus & work things out. it’s odd that way, the experience of making a painting. it can take no time at all if everything goes well, but if it doesn’t, it takes me hours, days, months, sitting & thinking, and working myself back into a state of freedom.

so here’s no. 2…i’m not sure why, and i haven’t looked into it enough, but i have gone from craving intense color, to wanting only pencil line or maybe some powdered graphite…nothing else really seems to do. as i’m making the paintings, the canvas and space have become a sort of documentation. my mistakes are there…some left, some erased, masses of searching in the form of lines, and remnants of gestural thoughts that emerge and are lost again. sometimes i find order and am able to pull it out. other times, i’m realizing, the only thing to do is to lose something, and i can’t be afraid to do it.

making these paintings have been a relief, because honestly, too often i’m quick to cover up the mistakes i make. i fail to see how the searching, struggle, frustration, and mistakes eventually culminate into something i couldn’t have seen. and with some resolution, hopefully. i try not to have preconceptions about which way a painting might go, only that it will, and experiencing that process of it becoming something is the most important & interesting thing.

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home

the trip from montevideo home was a long one, with a giant (tall) man trapped beside us the whole flight. it seems like that’s always the case. the taller you are, i think the surer it is you will be crammed into the tiniest space. it was bittersweet to leave & while i’m glad to be home, unpacked, back in my studio & near avocados again, i miss a lot about uruguay, and the people, the quiet moments running by the beach, & long drives to find bodegas each day are what i imagine will stay with me the most.